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and other surrealist adventures

Top 5 defenses in case of zombie invasion

Posted by kd on November 6, 2007

We all know it’s coming, it’s just a matter of time before the stumbling masses are clawing through our windows and eating our children and ethnic friends (you know they’re always the first to go). So without further ado, here are the top 5 defenses in case of zombie invasion:

#5 The Boomstick


An oldie but a goody. No home zombie defense kit is complete with out one. These things will blow through doors and zombie skulls alike, never leave home without it!

#4 Chainsaw

Ash kicking ass

Yes the chainsaw. Ever since I saw my first logger leveling a forest with nothing but a chainsaw in each hand, I knew one day I would use this to take down an entire army of flesh craving zombies. That, or an army of eco-hippie-nuts saving said trees. Either way, this tool will give you priceless seconds in the impending zombie invasion. Not to mention how badass you would look running through a crowd of zombies wielding chainsaws and kicking in some zombie face. Hott!

#3 The Cricket Bat

A hit romantic comedy

As seen in Shuan of the Dead this sporting implement will come in quite handy. Whether you’re breaking for tea or batting the heads of zombies, the cricket bat will become one of your best friends.

#2 The Tree Corer

Death by tree corer

You may not have seen this in too many movies, but the tree corer should not be underestimated as one of the zombie hunter’s essential tools. Light, sturdy and pointy this little device will give you much joy as you stab through the hearts of zombie friends and family. Emma (friend of the blog) is prepared to kick some zombie ass, despite what her shirt may indicate. This weapon has great potential in wooded areas. When a zombie passes, you can pretend you are innocently coring a tree looking for unique environmental phenomena hidden deep within the tree’s ring structure. When the zombie passes, that’s when you strike. They’ll never see it coming!

#1 Mila Jovovich

Mila J

I know what you’re thinking, she attracts the zombies, but oh no dear reader, she is the single best defense against a zombie attack! Not only does she kick the crap out of zombies, she looks damn good doing it! I dare anyone to survive a zombie attack without her. This girl can slice, kick, crush and shoot the crap out of anything. She’s like a ninja-pirate-robot, except without the beard. Also, did I mention she’s an ace with a cross bow? Who’s laughing now Stevie!


6 Responses to “Top 5 defenses in case of zombie invasion”

  1. Emma said

    Who’s laughing now Stevie! Mila ftw!

    Dude, I look so bad ass in that picture.

  2. Derek said

    whatever, that hello kitty kalashnikov is totally the number one defense. hands down.

  3. kdiverson said

    Hello kitty over Mila? No way

  4. Derek said

    hmmmmm, i guess i haven’t seen the 3rd one yet, we should go if its in the dollar theatre over break here. but i just really like saying kalashnikov anyways. also, i’m disappointed you left out the crowbar, which will definitely be in my end of the world survival package, along with copious amounts of duct tape. and according to the Mayans we really only have about 5 years til civilization goes down the drain, so its a good thing we’re preparing now, haha

  5. […] pour jouer ses r?les de zombie-killa, la dame a dû bosser le sujet. Mais non, non, ne suivez pas ces conseils. Le fusil à pompe, on vous l’a déjà dit , n’est pas l’arme utile. Trop lent, […]

  6. Totolartiste said

    Sure ! Mila is a very good weapon. Powerful, praticalful and…beautiful ! Perfect for killing.
    And she can celebrate a victory with you after a zombie battle win ! Best function.
    Hey Emma you looks pretty good too.

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